A Note from LaTonya

We are two weeks away from the start of the next cohort of Leading Below the Surface: Relational Coach Training aka Coaching Below the Surface, or CBTS. Cohort kicks off September 15th.

If you've been showing up to every issue and something keeps pulling at you around this experience, but you haven't yet signed up, you know who you are.

Maybe it's the timing. Maybe it's the investment. Maybe it's that you can't quite name what you'd get out of it yet. Here's what I know: the people who feel that pull and follow it are exactly who this program is built for. CBTS isn't for people who have it all figured out. It's for people who are ready to go below the surface and do the identity work that most programs skip entirely.

September 15th is two weeks away and the deadline to register is September 9th.

Coaching Below the Surface works at the level of identity and trust, which is what actually changes how you show up in the room. It's a leadership and coaching development experience for people who are ready for that shift.

CBTS is 38 hours, ICF-approved, and at a fraction of the cost of comparable programs. With the community discount and payment plans available, it's more accessible than you might think. As a newsletter subscriber, you're also eligible for a 10% community discount — just mention this newsletter when you reach out.

Email me at info@changecoaches.io or simply hit reply. I'd love to answer your questions and see if this is the right next step for you.

— LaTonya

This Issue's Reflection

Are you Resisting Your Next Life?

I was recently in a conversation about deathbed regrets. These are the things we wish we'd done when time finally runs out. There is one that always sticks with me.

The number one regret people report at the end of their lives is this: wishing they'd had the courage to live a life true to themselves, rather than the life others expected of them.

It doesn't surprise me. When people ask how I've had the courage to live all of the lives that I have to date including: corporate leadership, MBA teaching, starting Change Coaches, writing a book, building a business, rebuilding a business, starting over more than once, asking for what I want — my answer is always the same. When I hesitate to do something that most of my body wants to do, I ask myself the same question: will I regret not doing this on my deathbed? Then, I truly sit with the answers.

But not everyone uses that test. Some of us stay in a life that feels comfortable. A life that we consider safe. This is typically the life that others expect of us. And we convince ourselves that one life, lived consistently, is enough.

For some people it is. But for others, and you probably already know which one you are, we aren't meant to live just one. We are meant to have mini-lives. Distinct chapters with our own identity. And, not only do we succeed more than we anticipate in our mini-lives, they are also healthy for us. That's what this article is about.

Maybe you're at a crossroads right now. Part of you wants to stay exactly where you are. It's familiar, it's working well enough, and there's real comfort in that. But another part of you keeps pulling toward something different. It’s bigger than a new job. It’s becoming something entirely different.

You can't quite name it yet. But you feel it.

If that's where you are, this article is for you. We'll start with what mini-lives are, move into an activity to help you name yours, and then get honest about the signs that you might be resisting the next one.
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What Are Mini-Lives?

A mini-life is a distinct season of your life, characterized by its own identity, its own measuring stick, and its own version of you. It's not just a job change or a move. It's a shift in who you are and what you're organizing your life around.

Some people live one life, deeply and fully. There is nothing wrong with that. But others are built differently. I’m squarely in this category. While some of our mini-life chapters seem aligned, others feel entirely different. We’ve reinvented not just what we do but who we are more than once.

Is a job change the same as a mini-life? I get asked this question a lot. A couple of factors to consider. Studies say that the average American worker changes jobs a whopping 12 times over their career. And that’s the average number so many of us are much higher than that. Job changes are so common that they are almost routine. Mini-lives are not.

A job change is also external. Many are surface-level changes. The change itself is transactional. Conversely, a mini-life is internal. A new mini-life shifts your identity. You are becoming something different. For example, when I reflect on my own mini-lives, each one has an entirely different goal and objective. It’s the same for all of us. Let’s go back to our early careers for example. Early on, many of us have the goal of getting the job with the best company name. Then as time goes on, in another mini-life, we may be looking for the job that provides the most work-life balance. Or even one that allows for flexibility. We are becoming something different. Not just taking the first opportunity that comes across our desks.

Mini-lives and their effect on our well-being
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​We talk a lot about career reinvention as an emotional or professional decision. But the data suggests it's also a physical one.

Recent research found that employees with high career fulfillment report 2.8 times better physical health than those without it. Read that again. I didn’t say 2.8 times more productive. Embracing mini-lives meant for us also makes us healthier.

I've had a lot of conversations lately with people who are considering a new path. The biggest hesitation is almost always the same: what if it's too risky?

But, as I often ask, what if the status quo is riskier?

The data actually backs this up. Research shows that 82% of workers over 45 who attempt a career change succeed in their new roles.

Mini-lives aren't just good for your career. They might be good for your body. And we succeed in them more often than we anticipate.

Mapping Your Mini Lives

Before you determine your future mini-lives (and the ones you are fighting against), it’s first important to map your current ones. This is easiest with a timeline. I encourage you map it out in phases of life. For each phase reflect on the following:

• What were your defining events in that chapter?
• What were you organizing your life around in each season?
• What was your measuring stick?

Here are some chapters to start with:

• Childhood / adolescence
• Early adulthood (18-30)
• Adult years (30-40)
• Middle adult years (40-60)
• Wisest years (60+)
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Once you have listed each chapter and answered the prompts, reflect on the following.

• How would I categorize my mini-lives to date?
• What have been the benefits of each?
• What have been the challenges?
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Continue to reflect on this before you move to the next section. Once you've sat with it, ask yourself one more question: does your current life still have flow, or does it feel like you're running on empty? Your answer is probably already pointing you toward the next two sections.
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Signs You're Resisting Your Next Life

Resistance is usually in our subconscious. Most people don't wake up one day and think "I'm resisting my next life." It's quieter than that. We aren’t necessarily actively fighting against it, but we also aren’t fully open to the next chapter.

Here are some signs you might be resisting a mini-life that you are meant to live:

• You can't remember the last time you lost track of time doing your work but yet you stay in that very work
• You're productive but not energized; you get a lot done but there’s no depth to it
• The parts of your work that used to excite you now feel like obligation
• You've started measuring success by what you're avoiding rather than what you're building
• You find yourself daydreaming about a version of your life that looks nothing like the one you're in

Sound familiar?

Here's what I want you to know: you don't have to know what the next life is yet. Most people don't. The pull rarely comes with a full plan attached. It comes as a feeling first but you have to be open to what’s next or you will remain stuck in resistance and experience the very health consequences, and maybe even regrets that we discussed earlier.

So, if you got this far, you are probably wondering: What do I do with all of this?

The Next Steps

You've mapped your mini-lives. You've sat with the signs. Where are you?

The key isn't having all the answers. It's starting with three honest questions:

1. Does your timeline reveal a pattern you've been ignoring?
2. Can you still access flow in your current life?
3. What keeps showing up in your imagination that you haven't let yourself take seriously yet?

If you want to do this work in a real container with other coaches and leaders, that's exactly what Leading Below the Surface: Relational Coach Training (also known as Coaching Below the Surface, or CBTS) is built for. It's where people come to figure out who they are becoming, not just what they want to do next.

Email me at info@changecoaches.io to learn more or register. You can also complete an interest form here.

The next life isn't going to build itself. But it might be closer than you think.
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Let’s Reflect

This issue is a self-coaching one. Which means you've already started the work just by reading it. Before you move on, sit with what came up.

Journal Prompts

Take 10 minutes with one or all of these in your journal, notes app, or even voice recorder.

• When you mapped your mini-lives, which chapter surprised you the most?
• Where do you currently have flow, and where do things feel stiffer?
• What version of yourself keeps showing up in your imagination that you haven't yet honored?

Book Insight

In Chapter 2 of Leading Below the Surface, I introduce the concept of the dominant leadership standard, the unspoken rules about what leadership is supposed to look like. Competitive. Achievement-oriented. Efficient. Linear.

That standard is exactly what keeps so many people from recognizing their next mini-life. When we internalize a definition of success that was handed to us rather than chosen, we measure our lives against a stick that was never really ours. The mini-lives framework is, at its core, a way of reclaiming your own measuring stick.

If this issue resonated, Chapter 2 is your next step.

Upcoming Events

This event is free and open to everyone!

Belonging In Coaching

We talk a lot about belonging. But what does belonging actually feel like in a coaching relationship?

In this session, we’ll look at:

• Why belonging is critical in coaching relationships
• What clients bring forward and what they hold back
• How coaches notice when connection starts to shift
• How our own identities and assumptions shape the relationship

​[Register here]

📅 Sept 9, 12 PM ET | Free | Hosted by Change Coaches in Partnership with ICF Georgia

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Before You Go

If this issue lit up something in you, I'd love to hear about it. What mini-life are you in right now? Are you resisting the next one? Just hit reply. Those conversations are some of my favorites.

We're growing on YouTube and we'd love for you to be part of the community there too. Follow the Change Coaches channel. Link below.
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If this issue resonated, pass it on to someone who might be resisting their next life too.

To meaningful work and real connection,

LaTonya
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